I... am very mixed.

I live in Texas and work in a place that is predominantly military/former military. To say that the people around me are jubilant over the death of Osama bin Laden is like saying water is damp. An understatement, to say the least.

I am not. I feel a sense of relief. From what I've seen, people in my age range especially do. Bin Laden was my generation's boogeyman, monster under the bed, and thing that goes bump in the night, all rolled up into one.

But I do not feel joy. Rejoicing in the death of anyone, no matter how heinous their acts, goes against everything I believe in. I am adamantly against the death penalty. I would have preferred having him stand trial for his crimes and then locked in a prison cell for the rest of his life. I also am not naive enough to think that he would have allowed himself to be taken alive and that the only way to 'bring him to justice', so to speak, is through death.

But partying? Really?

The idea of celebrating someone getting shot in the head doesn't sit right with me. I watched the videos of people dancing in the streets, chanting "USA! USA!" and singing various songs with a lead feeling in my belly.

I can understand why some people would- especially those who lost loved ones to his terrorist attacks- would be gleeful. And that is their right to feel that way, their right to celebrate, and I'm not here to be the Behavior Police or anything of the sort.

But it just reminded me of the videos of the Palestinians dancing in the streets and passing out candy in celebration of 9/11. And the pain and anger (especially the anger) that those videos caused and how offensive everyone said that behavior was. I wonder if we're any better, when all is said and done.

And I think of my father, deployed to the Middle East. I think of my friends in the military. And that lead feeling just gets heavier.

Last Friday I had a hysteroscopy. It turned into a polypectomy and D&C.

Needless to say, the last few days have been disgusting and painful.

I'm just hopeful that some of this will be settled soon.

Next Friday I have my follow-up and will find out the results of the biopsies of the lining and the removed polyps.

[This might get edited later, because I don't know how coherent this will be. C'est la vie.]

I've been reading my friends list here on LJ. I have rarely been responding. Having the energy required is lacking lately. The little writer's block blurbs I've written have all taken less than five minutes, which is the only reason they exist- they require no effort.

I don't mean that you guys aren't important. You are incredibly important to me. Yes, even though none of us have met in person. You're still important.

That being said...

My health has been tanking. This isn't news to anyone. I've had a whole slew of doctors trying to diagnose me. (In most cases, diagnosing me incorrectly, which is more aggravating and heartwrenching than I ever cared to discover.)

To make a long story short, in the past five weeks I have had three periods. Each lasting at least a week. Each incredibly heavy, to the point where bloodloss was so severe that I was dizzy and shaking and could barely function. Each having obvious blobs of uterine lining and other such matter coming out. This is just the past five weeks. The preceding months were similar, but I don't feel like going back and counting how many in how long. Three in five weeks should give you an idea.

The medicos and I have no idea what is causing this. We have ruled out all medications. To do this, I dropped my psych meds cold turkey. The medicos didn't ask me to. I decided to do it because I was so sick of them scratching their heads and coming up with nothing, just sending me for yet another test that I had to do SOMETHING and just wanted to feel like I could check something off of the List of Possible Causes. I have not touched my meds except for the occasional Adderall since, in large part because...

They haven't found the cause, so on the 22nd of April, I'm undergoing a surgical procedure where my doctor is going to poke around the inside of my uterus, scrape the sides of it, and generally see if there's ANYTHING that she can see that doesn't show up on things like the ultrasound. To do this, I'm going under anesthesia. Given my crazy drug reactions, I prefer to lessen the chances of having any interactions at all.

I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that they'll find SOMETHING ANYTHING OH GEEZUS so this hellride is over.

So if I'm distant/crabby/incommunicado, please don't be surprised or offended. I simply am just too fried to function like a human at this point.

My female kitty, Scratch, would be a professional dominatrix. She already really likes rubbing up against people and then causing them Pain. With a capital P. She purrs when you cry out in pain from either her claws, teeth, or her stepping (stomping?) on sensitive areas.

My male cat, Azrael, would be a... private investigator? Paparazzi? Stalker? Any or all of those. He enjoys peeping through windows, hiding around corners while you're having a conversation, and listening through the bedroom door whilst the occupants are having sex. When he does the last one, I think he's living vicariously through us, as he no longer can properly get it on since I had his balls whacked off a week after I adopted him.

My greyhound, Libby, would make her way either as a mattress tester (she sleeps twelve to fourteen hours a day) or as a food eating champion. You know, those contests where the only objective is to cram as much as you can down your maw without vomiting it back up.

This is actually a tough question. I was looking through the answers from other LJers... Independence Day, Dumb and Dumber, the American Pie and a lot of stuff like that listed.

If I was going to throw out a silly answer, it'd probably be something along the lines of Idiocracy. Though the sad part is that actually is a valid response.

If I was going to go with a serious answer... hmm. That makes the question a lot harder. There may be movie spoilers throughout this, so if I ruin something for you, I apologize.

Closer comes to mind, largely because it takes a look at the selfish side of human nature and a look at truth. Natalie Portman's character in it is the most honest character... until the very end of the movie, when you realize that she lied about who she was from the very start.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail, so that any newcomers to Earth know what the hell people are constantly quoting. (I'm just kidding about this one.)

I'm going to have to pick American Beauty, because the scene showing Ricky's video of the plastic bag blowing in the wind has always stuck in my head. The movie also shows many different aspects of human nature- Colonel Fitts' self-loathing, Lester reaching a state of contentment, the insecurity of youth in both Jane and Angela. It showcases infidelity, lust, insecurity, serenity, anger, and budding romance.

Dear Lady who called me a... let's go with "woman of negotiable affection",

This is San Antonio. While it's true that not everyone here is fluent in Spanish, the majority of the population at least knows the curse words. I'm still unclear on how I pissed you off, but c'est la vie. At least the look on your face when I responded to you in Spanish made me laugh.

Regards,
Emeryn

I've been working on a degree in Software Engineering. The plan was to be a software developer.

It's never something I really wanted to do. I picked this major because I honestly didn't know what to do with my life or what I wanted to do, but felt that getting a degree would be the best way to support a family. I picked programming because it's something I'm good at and is a lucrative field. Not because of any particular interest in it.

I've finally realized what I want to do with my life. It couldn't be more opposite.

I want to go into social work. I want to help people who can't help themselves.

And I'm honestly scared shitless to tell my husband this.

They're predicting snow will be on the ground tonight.

SNOW. ON THE GROUND. IN SAN ANTONIO.

They're predicting it will probably be less than an inch where I live.

But the concept of snow being on the ground blows my mind. (Yes, I'm a born-and-raised southerner. Stop judging me.)

Especially because down here ice/miniscule snow=city shuts down.

I want a three day weekend. Plus the chance to actually SEE SNOW. Especially because with how bloody cold it is outside, I'd better get something for it. Having days where the high is 33? NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR. IT WAS SEVENTY-SIX DEGREES ON FREAKIN' MONDAY.

So Great and Mighty Easter Bunny Deity Tooth Fairy Santa Claus in the Sky? Snow, plz. Kthxbai.

The first summer of me and Shane. He broke down and told me that he'd been with someone while on vacation.

I forgave him immediately. Because he actually seemed to love me. Because it was some random chick that meant nothing to him. And because the idea of physical cheating appalls me much, much less than emotional or mental cheating.

If my husband slept with someone that meant absolutely nothing to him, I'd take him back, assuming he'd pass an STD test. If he slept with a friend or someone he had some kind of emotional or intellectual bond with... then we'd have Serious Issues.

Honestly, I think I could be much more hurt if he had a deep romantic emotional involvement with someone that wasn't at all physical than I would be if he just went out and got his bone on.

I think as a society we put too much of an emphasis on sexual cheating. Mental cheating seems much, much worse to me. And no, I'm not referring to fantasies.

Otherwise, Natalie Portman and I have some 'splaining to do to my husband.

Bid my father farewell last night.

I can't shake this morbid feeling like I'll never see him again.

We've had our differences in the past. We've had long periods of time when we weren't speaking to each other.

But for the past couple of years, we've been on good terms. Better than I can recall. We've become friends.

So the thought of him being overseas for six months?

A bit on the nerve-wracking side.

But shut your mouth, paste on a smile, and keep from tearing up. Because you're the fucking "strong one".

The end of July seems a long, long, loooooooooong way off right now.